I haven't posted on my journal for well over two years. In fact, I haven't even looked at it at all until yesterday. I'm definitely not going to be active on here again, but thought I'd post an update on my life for prosperity's sake. Not many people seem to really use LJ anymore, so I doubt anyone except me will read this, but it ties everything together nicely for now.

Looking back over my old posts I am a little bit embarrassed. I started this journal in 2006, when I was 20. I'm now almost 27 and although that's not a huge time period, I certainly feel like a different person to who I was back then. I was completely obsessed with boys, going out and getting drunk and recounting my "zany" student lifestyle..oh dear.

Anyway, to bring things up to date, I thought I'd say how things are now. At the moment I am engaged to be married to a wonderful man..despite always saying how marriage was stupid and unnecessary, it just seems right with him. Ian is lovely, talented and we just get on very well. We've been together since February 2011 and got engaged in February this year. We want to get married soon, but I don't think we can really begin organising things properly until after Christmas. I'm still not an organised person and ordinary things still take me a lot of effort, so I'm sure arranging a wedding will be insanely stressful and I'd rather wait until some other things are out of the way. I can't wait to be married and we don't want an elaborate affair, but we also want to keep costs down and so things will have to be very DIY.

We live together and have done for around a year and a half (probably a little bit more). Since June we have lived in a 2 bedroom terraced house and we really love the area we live in. It's very multicultural, there are lots of local shops and our neighbours are all lovely. We haven't sorted the house out properly yet and it still doesn't feel completely homely but we are getting there. The letting agency who manage the property are terrible and so there are lots of repairs that they still haven't done..but I won't go into that!

Ian used to work as a Workforce Analyst for the NHS, but gave it up to become a musician. He plays lots of instruments (harmonica, mandolin, banjo, guitar, lap steel guitar)and as being a musician is generally hard work until you get some kind of break (if you ever get a break..) he also promotes events. At the moment he runs a weekly acoustic night at a bar in town.

I'm still not working, as I'm still dealing with my depression. I'm ashamed to say that, thought I know I shouldn't be. I've constantly tried to get better and I as much as I can. I help Ian with some of the admin side of his work and after a break from trying to get my degree I'm now studying with the Open University - still trying to finish my English degree. It's embarrassing to have taken this long, but at least I'm persistent.

On the health front, last year I had a huge course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which seemed to make some difference, and a few months ago I switched GP practice and now have a great GP who is working with me to find the best medication. This has meant a lot of experimenting, withdrawal and trying of new medication. I've also been on the waiting list since February for intense psychoanalysis (old school style!) but I won't be near the top of the list until January. Generally things are slowly getting better and I haven't given up the hope that someday I will be better.

Aside from the Open University stuff, I've been selling a few things online as a hobby and hope to implement it into a business when I'm a bit better/have finished my degree. I love all things vintage, collectable and antique and have done a lot of research into becoming self employed, selling online and at local fairs and events. Hopefully, when I eventually go for it, it will be something that I can slowly phase into and will allow for inevitable health difficulties.

My nephew Charley who I talked about a lot when he was born, is now three and as lovely as ever. He loves Ian and we see him quite a lot. We have two pet budgies, Ella and Artie, who he loves to come and visit. We're hoping to get a rescue dog at some point in the near future, which I can't wait for. I think it'll be therapeutic for us both and dog walking will make sure I get out of the house more!

I'm not sure if there's much else to say about my life right now. Things can be hard, but I'm very happy with Ian, and I feel much stronger with him. My life feels like it has some kind of direction now, which I'm not sure it ever had before. Since we moved to our new house, we feel part of the local community, people in the shops and cafes know us, our neighbours know us and I've not had that for a long time either.

This entry is getting long and rather too wistful for my liking so I'll end it there.

Heeley City Farm went okay. The people there with learning difficulties are lovely and make you feel really wanted. A few of them bombard you with questions though. Only thing I didn't really like was all the animal stuff. Don't get me wrong, I like animals..but having to know how to clean out/feed every animal in the Small Animal House was more than I care to know, though I need to know it, but there are so many animals, from guinea pigs to spiders to birds, so it's pretty overwhelming.

I didn't go last week 'cause I was ill, but will be going on Thursday. I love talking and working with the group so hopefully as I get my head around everything else things will get better and I'll be able to enjoy it more. Eddie who was guiding me, told Ally who is in charge of the learning disabilities group, that I did really really well on my first day.

What else kids? Went on holiday to Dorset with the parents the other week, which was wonderful. It was absolutely boiling every single day we were there and I had a great time. Highlights include visiting lots of Thomas Hardy places, (Dorchester, his house, settings from the novels etc). I adore Hardy, so it was really interesting for me. I've nearly finished Jude The Obscure, which is a novel I love. God he's so wonderfully bleak.

I've seen my nephew Charley a lot in the last couple of weeks, and will definitely post some photos soon. He is absolutely gorgeous and so so so so funny. He is a little comedian and just loves to make people laugh. He's got such an awareness and understanding of other people for a 10 month old. I love him so much. Thinking about how much I love him makes me cry. Is that odd for an Auntie? He wouldn't go to sleep the other night when I was babysitting without me stroking his hair and him holding my hand. He was poorly with a cold, and kept waking up coughing, and everytime he woke up and I put him back down to sleep, he grabbed my hand, whilst I "shshhhed" him and stroked his hair.

In other news, I'm more or less settled in the new house and love living near London Road. It's great being so near to town and near multitudes of restaurants and great shops. It's also nice living somewhere so multicultural. The kids on my road are always playing out and talk to me whenever I walk past. It's like a proper little community,

Mentally though, I've been really up and down.This last week I've been feeling particularly shit and some old habits have started up again. I still have support workers, and one of them, who's actually a student on placement, is really good and has really helped me since I moved here. I didn't sleep at all last night, I hate how my mood affects my sleeping pattern so fucking much. I am overdosing on caffeine today because I don't want to get stuck in a rut again.

Anyway, I've written too much. Adios.

Months and months and months without an update. Have you missed me?

I've moved out of my parents to a new house. I'll take photos and upload them soon. Sharing with a girl called Michelle, who is nice and everything.

What else? Tomorrow I'm starting voluntary work at Heeley City Farm, working with the day care scheme they have for adults with learning difficulties. I've met a few of the people who go there already, and they are lovely. One guy, Matt, who I've met a few times now, gave me a Good Luck card he made yesterday. He can't write, so he's copied down some letters, but it was so lovely for someone to think about me like that. It's on the fridge now.

So I'm very anxious about starting tomorrow, but hopefully it'll go okay. I'll be supporting them at the Small Animal House tomorrow...so helping them with feeding, cleaning out rabbits, spiders, snakes, birds etc etc.

There's lots more I could talk about but I can't be arsed to go into detail right now, but I'll post about more stuff lately. I PROMISE.

I've changed my LJ background because I was fed up with it.

Though I'd update about university, as that was the last thing I posted about.
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So I have my first lecture back at university tomorrow. Scary. I enroled last week which I was shitting myself about, but I'm a lot less scared about tomorrow. I think just going back there, by myself, not knowing how it would go etc etc..was what was making me anxious. I'm still anxious but not even a fraction of the same amount. Although it might be different tomorrow morning..

Tomorrow's lecture is Contemporary Women's Writing, which I think is a module I'll really enjoy, even if the lecturer is horrible. I'm reading Margaret Atwood - Alias Grace for it at the moment. I've had the book aaages but never got around to it before, despite my Atwood love.

Anyway, I'm crossing my fingers that things go okay at uni and I don't go mental again, or fail or give up. I'm so scared of that. I'm so scared of everything going wrong again.

titbits titbits titbits

I'm feeling a lot better today. I still can't stop coughing though. Last night was New Years Eve and I was meant to go to a party at Tom's house in Manchester with everyone but instead I went to bed at 6.30pm with poorly.

To be honest..though I missed seeing everyone and having a fun time at the party..I didn't miss seeing New Years in, or getting hammered, or waking up feeling like death. I'm really not a NYE person whatsoever. I woke up at exactly 12pm in the night though, spooky.

Hope you all have a great 2010 and that there isn't so much death and horribleness for my friends (friends I see regularly, friends I don't and friends online). Things will be good?!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Make a Christmas pudding.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make them. They're stupid.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My brother's girlfriend who had my nephew Charley *love*

4. What countries did you visit?
Wales, England, Scotland.

5. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More money.

6. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
13th of August when Charley was born. I can't think of anything else.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Sorting out going back to university this year.

8. What was your biggest failure?
Quitting Oxfam, but I wanted to, I just feel bad about it.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Colds and flu, mentalness, THE allergy rash that lasted nearly two weeks and covered my entire body, foot injury.

10. What were the best things you bought?
Shoes from M&S which I wear all the time and which stopped the foot pain. Boring, I know.

11. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My mum and dad have been really great this year.

12. Whose behaviour appalled you?
My brother being a nasty nasty nasty awful person at times. Most other people on earth ha.

13 Where did most of your money go?
On clothes, on nights out.

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I'm not really excited about anything.

15. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Oddly, Michael Buble - Just Haven't Met You Yet, it was on the radio constantly when we were on holiday in Devon.

16. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
Happier I think.

ii. thinner or fatter?
Around the same, I think.

iii. richer or poorer?
Richer, because I had NOTHING last year.

17. What do you wish you'd done more of?
New things - meeting new people and new friends. Knitting and crafts, Exercise.

18. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying and sleeping. Less feeling mental haha

19. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it partly with my family and partly with my bed and snotty tissues.

20. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Nah. I want to fall in love in 2010. Set me up peeps.

21. What was your favourite TV program?
True Blood, United States of Tara

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Probably, I can't think of any specifics though.

23. What was the best book you read?
I've written don most of the books I've read this year, because I've a terrible memory..but I still can't decide that. Maybe Margaret Atwood - The Handmaids Tale which I finally got around to reading.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Erm 2009 wasn't a great year musically for me. I was too preoccupied to listen to much, which is sad. Great Lake Swimmers? I seriously don't know.

25. What did you want and get?
For my life to begin to move forward. For Charley to be born safe and well and beautiful.

26. What did you want and not get?
My on place.

27. What was your favourite film of this year?
Not all released this year but... Precious, Towelhead, The Shop Around the Corner, Cold Souls.

28. What did you do on your birthday?
Met Damian for coffee, looked round some charity shops, went for a meal with mum, dad, Matt, Gemma and Charley.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
That's too hard a question.http://www.livejournal.com/update.bml

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Dress + leggings.

31. What kept you sane?
Sertraline har.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Stewart Lee, Paul Dano.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
I got really into feminism.

34. Who did you miss?
Some of my friends who I didn't see much.

35. Who was the best new person you met?
I really don't know. Paul at Oxfam?

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
I can't think of one.

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
No.